manna from heaven.

For the duration of the past summer, I fasted from beef, chicken, and pork. During the year, I had watched multiple friends of mine fast from the same foods for Lent, but I was non-denominational, so Lent was rather foreign to me. I made zero religious commitments to give anything up. In speaking to my friend Joseph who gave up meat for Lent, he shared with me a quote that meant something. He shared the words of Pythagorus who wrote, "For as long as man continues to be the ruthless destroyer of lower living beings, he will never know health or peace. For as long as men massacre animals, they will kill each other. Indeed he who sows the seeds of murder and pain cannot reap joy and love." I am somewhat of a radical believer in being pro-life and nonviolent, so these words struck a chord. Should I be a radical writer of nonviolent and pro-life arguments, or actually give something up for it?

So, I gave something up. I gave up beef, chicken, and pork. "It can't be that bad," I told myself. "There's still pasta.. and rice.. and bread! I love bread. And then there are other kinds of pasta.. and flavored rice.. and, well, bread!"

And truthfully, it really was not that bad. Sure, bread, pasta, and rice got old.. but vegetables remained high on the list of foods I consumed. Not to mention, in case you weren't aware, there is no meat in chocolate OR sweet tea. The only place I can imagine there being meat in that would be on Iron Chef America, and there's no way I would have been eating that nicely. I lived in an apartment for the summer rather than being on campus, so I was able to cook my own food and eat just fine. It was not too difficult to abstain from those foods, simply because the ONLY food in the house (for the most part) happened to be food I could eat. But then, I went to Montgomery...

LeAnn is an old friend from high school days and when I went back to Montgomery for a weekend to see family, she and I got together to hang out. We stopped by Sonic to grab slushies before we walked around Eastchase, when I had my first encounter with breaking the fast I had committed to. LeAnn had ordered chicken fingers with her slushie, and without thinking, she had offered to share them with me, since neither of us were hungry enough to eat the whole meal. Three nuggets in, it hit me.

"Those were not BREAD nuggets, nor RICE nuggets, nor PASTA nuggets.. those were CHICKEN nuggets!" I yelled at myself.

Somehow, I had forgotten. Up until then I had cooked all of my food, so I knew I wasn't eating any meat. In this new environment, it had COMPLETELY slipped my mind. I literally felt horrible. It sounds silly, but I did. I had exclaimed out loud as soon as I realized it, and LeAnn watched my face flush, then drain in color. It sounds like I'm overreacting, and I probably was, but making vows to do anything is a big deal to me. Do I think God hates me for three chicken nuggets? Absolutely not. I actually think God was probably laughing at me for being an idiot, which is totally justifiable, because I later laughed at myself also. But, I had made a decision to fast from beef, chicken, and pork to reflect on peace and non-violence, and I had broken it, so yeah, I felt bad.

But, I got over my one mistake and continued with my fast. More mistakes ensued. I ate a soup that had beef fat in it, I ate ramen which uses chicken fat in its sauce packet, and there were a few other broths that I thought were free from animal products, but weren't.

I don't really think it was that big of a deal though, simply because of what still came out of my fast. Consistently through the summer people would ask me why I was fasting, or sort of look at me like I'm strange for giving up something as epically important as meat. OR they would assume that starting in late May, I had taken a job working with PETA. After being questioned again and again about why I was doing any fast at all, I began to get concerned that I was fasting for nothing.

"Why are you fasting? What has changed about you? If you're just giving something up to give something up, why does it matter? Are you just fasting to make yourself look good and all 'deeply religious' like? What does not eating meat have to do with promoting peace, anyway?" all happened to be questions that were either asked of me, or questions I asked myself.

Even if the fast wasn't doing anything, I couldn't dip out now. Then I would be an irreligious wuss who started a fast, couldn't hack it, and looked directly into the sky at God and said "My bad." Rather than feeling like that, I had to try to find answers. Naturally, the answers came to me through prayer, but not how you may think. A few years ago it dawned on me that I pretty much never prayed for anyone who was starving. One huge spiritual question that has always baffled me is why people are starving when Christianity believes the world has a provisional God. Since I can't really know the answer to that question, I just try to do my part in assisting in help efforts and praying that God, or anyone, will assist those that are starving and feed the hungry. When I realized I rarely do this, or even pray about it, I made it a point to pray for those who are starving when I bless my own food. One night though this summer, my prayer time went a little differently. It did not end with an "Amen" and instead, became something I wrestled with for quite a while.

I thanked God for my food, naturally, and then prayed for those that were without, as usual. It then dawned on me that maybe there is more outside of "peace" than simply what I conceive of it. To me, I was pretty much at the point of my fast where I was OVER bread, rice, and pasta. Seriously, I had been eating it for months. It was gross, it all tasted the same, and I wanted a steak pronto. Or a burger, and NOT a Boca burger, because those were horrible. It was in that moment that I realized some people alive today would kill to eat a Boca burger, or pasta, or bread, or rice. It could literally serve as a four course meal of the highest grandeur in some areas.

Yes, there were frustrating days in my fast. I went to at least two barbecue's that involved me eating chips and dip the entire night while smelling chicken and ribs, I went out for chinese and couldn't get honey chicken, I had to order a veggie burger at Ruby Tuesday's that TRULY tasted like a dirt patty, and sometimes when I went out for Italian I had to request that they take out of the pasta dish everything that makes it amazing (read: chicken and bacon and such). Still, I think my fast this summer helped me realize that peace isn't the same for everyone. Peace for me may occur when I don't have to scramble to pay a bill, while peace to another may be eating a cup of rice. I am quick to complain, slow to realize my blessings. I wondered all summer what this fast could have to do with peace and non-violence, or how any of this would matter later, when I was back to Burger King and Outback. What does this have to do with maintaining peace?

I think the end result is that I am thankful, and I've realized that there is a peace that lies within thankfulness, too. When I pray and realize my rice, bread, and pasta are something, that they are sustenance still, I realize that I should be thankful. And when I am thankful, even if only for a moment, I have realized that I don't need to clamor for more. In that moment, I know that I am provided for, and that puts me at peace.

The truth is though, that peace should not be so still and quiet that it does not rouse my heart to do something for those that are not at peace, for those that are hungry, for those that are searching for something to be thankful for. This summer has encouraged me to promote peace and nonviolence through serving others in such a way that meets needs and helps sustain. Only in doing so can I help others reach the peace I've reached myself.