Wednesday, April 29, 2009

the chronicles of crazy -- i stopped counting.

so, a lot has been going on - good and bad. i've dealt with a few situations of extreme depression [there was one whole weekend of awful, and another night that was about the worst one of my life], balanced (sort of) by incredibly great times with good people [wilco, ray lamontagne, and wesley semiformal].

i'm graduating in less than two weeks, so my life is changing. i don't have anywhere to live yet this summer in troy, am worried about paying rent wherever i do live, etc etc. on top of that, i don't know where i am moving for grad school. things have changed a bit with my plans, as i'm getting financial aid back from schools. now it seems i will move to either new york city or austin, tx. i've never been to austin, but it sounds rock-freaking-awesome. everyone who's been there thinks i'll love it. i've had days where i feel good about myself, and days where i hate my body. sometimes i'm completely okay with being single, then other times i feel like the loneliest person alive. all this is to say that i have many contributing factors to my anxiety/depression.

the biggest update is simply that i've continued my therapy and my therapist says i'm making improvements. we've discussed how to deal with emotions so that they don't become consuming, yet being honest with them and actually DEALING with them also. in other news, she and i have discussed antidepressants and i will be put on them soon. this summer in troy will be a good testing ground for me figuring out if medication is good for me.

my stress levels are ever surging and depleting, but i'm trying to continue being a support to my friends and a strong woman myself.

i'll blog again once i am on antidepressants, just to give updates on what exactly i'm on and my thoughts about taking medication for my emotions.

hope everyone reading is doing quite well :)

2 comments:

Nina said...

I'm glad you're doing better with your therapy. Remember that antidepressants sometimes take several weeks to adjust to your body chemistry -- I'm hoping you'll write more before then!

Austin does sound hella awesome. You'll be fine wherever you are!

Anonymous said...

Depression sucks, but once you come out of it, life is amazing. I was on antidepressants from April 2007 until July 2008. I fully came out of the depressive state about March of this year and it feels wonderful. So, even though things may get tough some days, know that the days ahead will be wonderful.